Any Difference between an Ash*wo & Olosho??

This Post is Seriously Trending on NaijaloadedOfficial Facebook Fanpage, So i decided to Bring it down to the Main Site for others Members.. Someone said and Quote that their is a difference between an Ashawo & Olosho!! Do you Agree??


Guess you Understand the Two Terms?? Ashawo [A Prostitute working in an Hotel, Usually Charge N500], Olosho [Road Prostitute, Usually picked for over-night services].

From the Explanation above, Can you really Spot any difference between the 2 Sex Workers??

MTN Aeroplane winner bombarded with marriage proposals

“People are calling to ask my parents if I am married, some others are giving them promises. Even on the Internet, I don’t have a Facebook account but someone has opened one in my name. If anyone is coming because of my money, I promise the person that he will not get a dime because I will make sure he doesn’t.” - 27 year old Gladys Ebube Essien-Garricks said in a recent interview with Punch.



Lol, Naija men! Una don hear sha? Ebube won N64 million in the MTN Ultimate Wonder 'Win An Aeroplane' Promo!

Military Jokes

Military Jokes

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy. 



Fitness :: #156
By Carrie Roberts from Avon USA.

Hands-free
Studies indicate that holding on to the handrails during exercise may not be the best way to workout. Using the handrails for support means that you burn about 8% fewer calories than when you do not use the handrails. Even light handrail holding lessens the amount of calories burned. Of course, if you need the handrails for balance use them. 

Signs Jokes

Signs Jokes

Sign on company bulleting board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.” 


Words of Knowledge

Wounded Soul..
It's better to have had a broken heart than a wounded soul that never heals! 

Business Jokes

Business Jokes

Two barbershops were in red-hot competition. One put up a sign advertising haircuts for 7-dollars. His competitor put up one that read, “We repair 7-dollars hair cuts.” 



Disappearing act
Love comes and goes in the same way, suddenly... 

Entertainment Jokes :

Entertainment Jokes :

Banta's son: Dad there is some one at the door to collect donations for a swimming pool.

Banta: Give him a glass of water.



Famous Quote
 
QUOTE: Success, Emerson
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." 

Doctors Jokes

Doctors Jokes

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."

The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor." 



Home Life :

Subborn crayon marks
Is your future Van Gogh drawing on your walls? No problem, just spray foam shaving cream on the marks and wait 3 minutes, then wipe with a damp cloth. The cream’s thick formula will help it stay put on the wall while its concentrated soaps will quickly dissolve the waxy marks. 

Animal Jokes

 
Animal Jokes

The Top Ten Differences Between Cats & Dogs:

10. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 


Self-Improvement
Types of People
There are two types of people in this world; those who watch things happen and those who make things happen. Which one are you?

 

Elderly Jokes

Elderly Jokes

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at

the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy

25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her

youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens

intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At

the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the

trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They

are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to

marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her

you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'


Famous Quote 
 
Be courageous
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

-- Muhammad Ali

Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes

A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction – so he decided to consult a marriage counselor. After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.”

A week later the counselor received a call from the husband, “Well,” asked the counselor, “how are things going with you and your wife?

“How should I know?” said the husband. “I’m thirty-five miles away.”



One-Liners
money & happiness
Money can't buy happiness but it can buy the type of misery you prefer.

Judges Jokes

Judges Jokes

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.”

“And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.”

The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”

“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”


Words of Knowledge :
 
LIFE AS IT IS
LIFE IS LIKE A PHYSICAL EXERCISE.

TO THE WEAK, A BITTER PUNISHMENT AND

TO THE STRONG A SOURCE OF ENJOYMENT. 

A guy asked his
babe; how much do you
love me?.
The girl replied;
I love you
so much, i can't
describe. The guy said;
No, just
describe. The girl said;
Ok, i'm a
phone and you are my
sim
card, there's no me
without you.
Guy said; wooow! You
are so
romantic, i love you
more. The girl
whispered to herself;
see mumu! What
if i'm one of those
phones that has two
sims?.

3 contractors, indian,chinese & nigerian

3 contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the white house, where Barack obama Lives.

The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from CHINA & the 3rd from Nigeria.They go with White House official to examine the fence.

The Indian takes out a tape & did some measuring, works some figures "Well", he says, "I figure the job will cost $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my teamv& $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese does some measuring & figuring, says,"I can do it for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team & $100 profit for me)".

The Nigerian did not even measure or figure out anything, but he walks aound the White House & whispers "$2,700. "The official says, "You didn't even measure how did you come up with such a high figure? "The Nigerian whispers"$1000 for me, $1000 for you, & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job.

Father and Daughter! Check it out

A Girl Returns Home After 30 Years.

Father (Angry): “Where The Hell Have You Been All This Years?”
 
Girl: “I Was Working As A Prostitute In The Vietnam”
 
Father: “What? Get Out Of My House You Whore, I Don’t Want To See Your Face Again”
 
Girl (Crying): “Before I Go Dad, I Came To Give You A $5 Million Cheque, And Here Is A $1million For My Brother. I Had Build A Big House For You In The Northern Surburbs With Everything In It Including A Ferarri And A Bugatti. Bye Dad”
 
Father (Smiling): “What Kind A Work You Said You Where Doing”
 
Girl (Crying Out Loud):“A Prostitute Dad”
 
Father: “Come And Give Daddy A Big Hug, I Thought You Said You Where A ”Prosecute

Jokes:- Question Tags - Teacher vs Students

Teacher:- We are talking about what we called "Question Tags", Example are:-

She is Coming, isn't she?
They have eaten, havn't they?

Teacher:- Now who can give me another Example?
 
Dele:- Na Yam we go chop today, Chopn't we?
 
Techer:- What kind of Sentence is that, Pls who can Correct him?
 
Ganbo:- Aunty, pls no mind him jare, the Correct one na, Na yam we go chop today, Yamn't we?

The Cheating Husband & a Confused Wife

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?'

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.' The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'? 'Yes, actually I have,' she says. The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours

General Alex and her daughter

General Alex has been
monitorin d movement of his
only daughter recently.
In fact, he first picks her calls to
confirm d identity of d caller
before handin over d phone to her after thorough screening.
But on one faithful day, her
boyfriend called and General
picked d call as usual. Watch
out ! General: Hello! May i know you?
Caller: sorri i want to speak wit
Joy sir.
General: i said who r u nd wht
for?
Caller: hmmm (after he understood d situation @ hand),
Okay Sir, i am FRANK EDOHO
from WHO WANTS TO BE A
MILLIONAIRE. Joy's friends is
presently on hot seat and needs
her help to answer a question for 2Million Naira. So the next
voice you hear after is hers, the
time starts now........
General: ooh am very sorry!!!
Joy! ,Joy!! Pls take ur phone ur
friend needs ur help............ Caller: The question is when are
you coming Tomorrow? A.
Morning, B. Afternoon, C.
Evening, D. Night.
Joy: D.Night.
Caller: Are you sure? Final answer?....
Joy: yes am very sure!

Oh ......Laughs.......

Mary is a Man - Very Funny!

A Warri boy and his girlfriend Mary were walking home from the club when Mary says: "I need a piss" and goes behind a bush and drops her jeans.

Warri boy feeling horny, puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs.

He says "are you an man woman?" Mary says "no, I have changed my mind, I am
having a shit!"LOL

Policeman way get sence

A young police officer was taking
his final exam at Police College in
kano.
Here is one of the
questions:
"You are on patrol in
the outskirts
of kano when an
explosion
occurs in
the township. On
investigation
you
find a large hole has
been blown
in
the footpath and
there is an
overturned van lying
nearby.
Inside
the van there is a
strong smell of
alcohol. Both
occupants - a man
and
woman - are injured.
You
recognize
the woman as the
wife of your
Divisional Inspector,
who is at
present away on a
Peace Making
Mission In Sudan. A
passing
motorist
stops to offer you
assistance and
you
realize that he is a
man who is
wanted for armed
robbery.
Suddenly
a man runs out of a
nearby house,
shouting that his wife
is
expecting a
baby and that the
shock of the
explosion has made
the birth
imminent. Another
man is crying
for
help, having been
blown into an
adjacent Canal by the
explosion,
and
he cannot swim.
Describe in a few
words what action
you would
take?"
The officer thought
for a moment,
picked up his pen, and wrote: I
would take off my
uniform and
mingle with the crowd. Na me
una won turn to mad man?.

d wicked man

there s a man dat bron 2 kid n d kid name s emeka n ebuka n emeka like grl 2much dere was day emeka n his grl friend come to dere home to play n d his father tell his emeka u no after me na u n his son said dad i can not understand u n his said dat think we dere down her leg i wants check if she is to a virgin so.

The 3 Foolish Pastors..

Three Pastors met and agreed to sincerely tell each other their Problem which must be kept away from other People.

The First pastor said, My Problem is Money, I do Steal from the Church Offering pls brethren pray for me.

The Second Pastor said my Problem is women, whenever i see any woman my desire will be to go to bed with her, Infact i've slept with most of my female church members, Pls pray for Me.

Turning to the Third Pastor to hear his own Problem, he started crying, it took his Friends some effort to calm him, after that he was asked to continue and he said still crying that my Problem is gossiping, when we leave this place, everybody will hear what you two just told me...

A MUST READ{2 GOD,U MUST LAFF}...

Last night, boy drops the girl at her home, standing by the gate, he puts his hand on the wall n said....
"Can I kiss you?".
 
Girl: No, not today....
 
Boy: Please....
 
Girl: No.....
 
Boy: Please, give me....
 
Girl: No, not today....
 
This continued for 10 minutes,.
Then Girl's little brother appeared at the door, says....
 
Dad is saying, whether you give him kiss or not, it's your decision.....
 
but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom 
button....
 
Everyone at home are listening 2 both of you..

The 2 Rapist (Raped the King's Daughter)

Two guys raped a princess. When they were caught and taken to the king for punishment. The king ordered them to go and get as many fruits as they can to bail themselves.
 
The first one went and returned with 15 Mangoes, the king ordered the guards to insert the Mango into his ass so that he will feel the same pain as the raped Princess. The guy screamed and shouted throughout the insertion.

Suddenly, he began to laugh out loud, the guard asked him why he was laughing in pain.
He pointed ahead and said
.
.
.
"Look at my friend (Akpos), he is bringing WATER MELONs." lol

Mr.Habibest a j o k e world! Lwkmd...lol...hahahaohohhaa...

A man buys a lie detector robot that
slaps people who lie!! He decided to test
it at dinner with his son.... DAD: Son,
where were u today during school hrs
 
SON: at school (robot slaps son) SON:
okay, I went to the movies! DAD: which
one? SON: desi boyz....(robot slaps son)
 
SON: okay, i was watching porn! DAD:
what? Whn I was ur age I dnt know
even wht porn was? (robot slaps dad)
 
MOM: hahahaha:- After all he is ur son!!!!
ROBOT SLAPS MOM....

The Tribal Mark Issue - Candid Opinion Needed!!

Your Mother-In-Law came from the village for a visit and after staying for 2 days.. You left her @ home and left for work,when you return home, You discovered she has given all your children 'Tribal Marks'.

Sincerely, what will you do? Candid Opinion needed!!

Pics:- The Hungry Dude - Watch Out for Him

Another funny Pics, Is this Guy Normal??



If this one come your Party, You own don Done be that ooo....

A man who had gone for an all-night prayer got the shock of his life when he allegedly caught his wife pants down with a neighbour at their matrimonial home.

A man who had gone for an all-night prayer got the shock of his life when he allegedly caught his wife pants down with a neighbour at their matrimonial home.

The incident which occurred in Zimbabwe is said to have happened at around 3am. A source said the husband, only identified as Maskiri, returned home from prayers and caught his wife Fungai Sibanda having séx with their neighbour Tinashe Mutuwari. It is alleged that the woman had invited the man to sleep over at her place after claiming to be lonely.

"The two lovebirds' timing was wrong as Maskiri decided to return earlier than expected and he caught them in the act. He then alerted some neighbours who proceeded to report the matter to the police," said a witness.

When Maskiri was contacted for comment, he opened up saying he was still in dilemma of what had driven his wife to do such an embarrassing thing.

"I had gone for an all-night prayer and my wife had remained at home. At around 3am, I decided to go home as I was feeling sleepy. When I got home, I got the shock of my life as I found my wife sleeping with Tinashe on our bed. I became weak and could not do or say anything to the two. I quietly walked out and informed some neighbours as I proceeded to report the matter to the police," said Maskiri.

He revealed that he suspected it was not the first time Tinashe had spend the night at his home as he regularly went for all-night prayers leaving his wife at home.

"Surprisingly, Fungai rushed to seek a peace order against me saying I was troubling her and she won the case," he said.

Tinashe could neither confirm nor deny the allegations.

"The matter is being handled by police and Maskiri keeps on accusing me of sleeping with his wife," said Tinashe.

Efforts to get a comment from the woman at the centre of controversy were fruitless as her phone was unreachable.

SUgar DaddY BacKFirE........lwkmd

Charmer :- Hello sweet girl.
Sweetgirl :- Hi lover boy
Charmer :- Can I know u more
please?
Sweetgirl :-17....Female...Sweet
Lips...Bombomliscious and
Delicious....In LAGOS....And u?
Charmer :-hmmmmmm.....I'm in
love already....I'm 52....Male....6
pack....Big chest....In LAGOS too.
Sweetgirl :- You're 52....OMG!
Serious?.....Same age as my dad.
Charmer :- I'm just so into fresh
young beautiful girlz. Sweetgirl :-
Do u have a wife?
Charmer :- Yes....But not as sexy as
u are....I have a daughter...She's in
her room with her friend doing
her homework. Sweetgirl :- Then
why do u like young girls?
Charmer :- I love them bcos they're
beautiful not to mention sexy.
Sweetgirl :- I'm also into older men
with Iphones...Cash...And Big
expensive cars. Charmer :- I can
offer all of that and more.
Sweetgirl :- I think we should meet
since u're in LAGOS and I'm also
here.
Charmer :- That would be
nice...Where am I to pick u
2morrow with my brand new
HUMMER JEEP? Sweetgirl :- I'll be in
school 2morrow so it won't be
possible. Charmer :- Or maybe over
the weekend....Going to school is
very important.
Sweetgirl :- Weekend will be
better....But while we are still
chatting....Let me continue with my
homework....I don't want my dad
to know I have a BB....He'll be very
mad at me.. Charmer :- Which
homework is that? Maybe I can be
of asistance..
Sweetgirl :- It's my Biology
assignment and my friend LUCY is
assisting me already. Charmer :-
Hey....Ur friend's name is LUCY?
Sweetgirl :- Yes. Charmer :- Where
exactly in Lagos are u? Sweetgirl :-
Ikotun....And u? Charmer :-
PRINCESS! Is that u?
Sweetgirl :- DAD! is that u?.....O.M.G..

First Lady and the Total Wahala.... See this

Mrs Patience Jonathan went out 4 drinks with some of the Top Women.

Waiter brings their bills let me Pay and Leave this Place oo.
Mrs Patience jonathan = N10.400
Ngozi Okonjo = N10,250
Dora Akinyuli = N10,450
Alison Madueke = N10,200
Total = N41,300

Mrs Patience Jonathan:- i will pay for everyone else but total must pay 4 herself (41,300) bcos i didnt invite her afterall she has petrol stations all over naija.

⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥D̶̲̥̅̊ Foolish Husband! Feel it

A man gets home early 4rm work & hears strange noises coming 4rm d bedroom. He rushes upstairs 2 find his wife naked on d bed, sweating & panting. "What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," she says.. He rushes downstairs 2 grab d phone 4 ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up & says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in ur closet & he's got no clothes on! "D man slams d phone & storms upstairs 2 d bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open d wardrobe door. Sure , his broda,totally naked, "U b*stard," d man says," my wife is having a heart attack & U̶̲̥̅̊ 're running around naked scaring d kids!"

This is the Most Funniest Who want to be a Millionaire show

This is the Most Funniest Who want to be a Millionaire show i have ever watched! This Dude is the Bomb! Feel the Below Image and i bet you will





He was Asked, ""What type of Animal is a Cockrel"
(A). Guinea Pig (B). Sheep (C). Chicken (D). Snake and the Dude Choosed B Sheep!

=> Can't Just stop Laughing!!!

An Igbo man

An Igbo man travelled to Isreal. when he got to the sea of galilee,
he was to crossover with a boat. and he asked the captain how much to crossover. He replied $500 and the Igbo man shouted CHINEKE!! No wonder Jesus walked on the sea....... LWKM
ooo.

OGA & HOUSE-BOY PALAVA! FEEL IT

FLESHO is a sugaboi who always drinks his SugaboiZ's wine and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank.

@SLim was suspicious and decided to buy pastis ( a french wine that changes colour if you add water)

FLESHO as usual, drank from the wine and topped it up with water. The pastis became milky immediately. He decided 2 hide in d kitchen. When SLIM came back and noticed d milky wine, he called his GF to cum & witness as he makes FLESHO confess to his 'evil' ways.

"FLESHO", he called from the sitting room of sugaBoiz PLaza "Yes Oga". "Who drank my pastis?" No answer! SLIM asked again, still no answer; then he went to the kitchen to meet FLESHO:

"Are you insane or what? I call you, you say yes oga, but when I ask you a question, you don't answer me.

FLESHO now spoke; "When u're in the kitchen u don't understand anything at all, except ur name." SLIM looked at him angrily and shouted, "what kind of rubbish is dat...?" FLESHO cut him short......."SLIM if u tink I'm lyin, go to d kitchen while I stand here with ur GF & ask u a question and see" SLIM accepted and went into the kitchen.

FLESHO shouted: "SLIM"! He answered "yes ehe FLESHO" "Who goes into the maid's bedroom when ur GF is not there?" *No answer. FLESHO shouted again: "SLIM, I said who made the maid pregnant?"

*No answer. Third time: "Boss, I said who gave Paulina belle?" SLIM,The boss runs back from the kitchen shouting: "Wonders shall never cease!, FLESHO it's true ooo...when one is in d kitchen, one does not hear anythin except his name ooo!"

Me nd My Nyc Trick

I dey inside bus one day,na so i see one fine chick,i
decided to make a move,i buy her gala,she collect
am,i buy her la casera,she collect am,then i decided
to propose, next thing she shouted @ me that i should leave her, everybody in d bus started to luk at us,as a sharp guy na so me too i
shout bak say i will not leave u alone until u accept Jesus christ as ur personal Lord and Saviour...

Business Jokes

Business Jokes :

Two barbershops were in red-hot competition. One put up a sign advertising haircuts for 7-dollars. His competitor put up one that read, “We repair 7-dollars hair cuts.”


 
One-Liners ::

Disappearing act
Love comes and goes in the same way, suddenly....

Signs Jokes

Signs Jokes

Sign on company bulleting board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”





Words of Knowledge


Wounded Soul..
It's better to have had a broken heart than a wounded soul that never heals!

One reason the Military Services have trouble

Military Jokes ::

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy


Forward this joke to your friends >>
Hands-free
Studies indicate that holding on to the handrails during exercise may not be the best way to workout. Using the handrails for support means that you burn about 8% fewer calories than when you do not use the handrails. Even light handrail holding lessens the amount of calories burned. Of course, if you need the handrails for balance use them.